This essay really is an explanation of sorts to try and explain my pathway to the Catholic Church, starting from childhood experiences (for want of a better term) up until the present day. It presupposes nothing, but is a collection of events, thoughts and actions which may (or may not) have had some sort of leading up to where I am now spiritually. This completed essay will serve as a catalyst for a new poem to try and echo what has been written here, and which will be placed next to the “Personal Experience” section of my website. I have managed to recall several past experiences in this regard, and others may well come to mind as I write this. Let us now journey together to see where the pathway will lead us.
One of my earliest experiences was when I became a choirboy at St. Luke’s Church, Prestonville, Brighton at the age of seven. This experience occurred when I was singing during the annual Carol Service on the Sunday evening before Christmas. The carol that really stood out for me was “The Angel Gabriel” which, when one looks at the lyrics, could easily be a hymn for the Feast of the Annunciation as well as Christmas. The wistfulness of the music and the sheer beauty of the words struck a chord in me that has lasted all this time. It remains my favourite carol. It honours Mary as well as the message given by Gabriel to her. I suspect that the other members of the choir or indeed the congregation and clergy at that church would have agreed with this sentiment, but that is largely irrelevant. This, as far as I can make out, was the first step.
During those early years, my parents fostered a single lady in need. She stayed with us for about three to four years, as far as I can recall, and she was a Roman Catholic. I believe she was aware that my family was not of the Catholic faith and she was very discreet when slipping out to go to Mass on Sunday mornings, attending, I suspect, St. Mary Magdalen where I now attend. I loved her very much and she was a very kind soul. She is now in glory.
My first experience of being in a Catholic Church was when the family was invited to attend the wedding of my next-door neighbour’s daughter. This occasion was in fact held in the church of St. Mary Magdalen in Brighton. The wedding was splendid, the bride bedecked in a gorgeous red cape with white trim. The wedding was held in the Advent season, and my mother commented on the priest’s purple robe, which she would never have seen before as we attended an evangelical Anglican church regularly (St. Luke’s, as mentioned above). I had no trouble following the Catholic liturgy but was unaware of what a Nuptial Mass was and wondered at what the circular object was that the priest was holding up! Nevertheless, the ceremony went well and was a most enjoyable occasion.
Several years passed before my next liaison with all things Catholic. I was working in Taunton, Somerset in 1976 and remained there until early 1979. During that time, I had left the faith at the age of fifteen and was trying to make it on my own steam, for seven years in total. It didn’t work. I eventually came back to the church and during that time, I heard about a charismatic prayer group that met on Tuesday evenings at the home of one of the organisers. I ventured down there to investigate and found it very welcoming and very open to the gifts of the Holy Spirit. The group was run very much by the local Catholics, and I attended numerous regular meetings there and developed my spiritual gifts accordingly. Due to my spiritual immaturity at the time, having only come back to the faith from a seven-year absence, I did wonder about joining the Roman Catholic Church and made some enquiries. I was given a very sizeable volume of the writings of the priest and martyr St. Charles de Foucauld and managed to read it all. It was probably between 300 – 400 pages long. However, I was pulled back to the Anglican Church as it clearly wasn’t my time to make any sort of move.
Shortly after my move back to Brighton in 1979, my musical tastes changed and I started to listen to several classical composers. One of the composers whose works I listened to was Anton Bruckner, who wrote eleven symphonies (two of them discarded by the composer), three mass settings, several sacred motets and a number of psalm settings. One of the mass settings seemed to have a familiar ring about it. Maybe I had heard it or something similar elsewhere. However, the sheer beauty and mystical air surrounding all his music seemed to have a profound effect on me. The music, even today, is regularly played at home, more than any other classical works that I possess.
Going back to prayer meetings, I heard about another Catholic charismatic group that met at the Fitzherbert Hall in Kemp Town, Brighton and decided to go along. As with the Taunton group, they were very much open to the Holy Spirit and you always knew that something was going to happen there, whether personally or for the group as a whole. I cannot remember now how many times I went there, probably for a few months, then I stopped going altogether. Why, I do not know.
During my time when I was married, my wife and I were invited to two more weddings at Catholic churches. One of which was a nursing friend of my wife and the other was of her Godson. Both were very happy occasions though the second was one when I spent some time alone, thinking about my own marriage and where it was going.
Despite all that I have described above, at the time I did have some misgivings about the theology of the Eucharist and also listened to a fellow server and his misgivings about the Anglican church. He was thinking of going over to Rome. I think it only fair to say that my supposed knowledge of the Eucharist was patchy and based on my own assumptions about it. I had a gently written but anti-Catholic book which I had read and let my server friend borrow it. He did not cross the Tiber.
Anglo-Catholicism was very much in the air during the episode just described, and I was a member of the Guild of Servants of the Sanctuary. Despite its reputation for being rather “spiky” I became familiar with Catholic ritual and why things were done in a certain way. I used to serve Mass and also Benediction. I also went on a one-day “pilgrimage” to Walsingham but didn’t enjoy it. Again, it seemed rather spiky. It was also a time when I was seriously thinking about ordination. I had borrowed a book, the Summa Theologiae by St. Thomas Aquinas and began reading the section on Transubstantiation and the Real Presence. The section on Transubstantiation blew me away and I had to put the book down, get up from my chair and make a drink just to calm me down! The section on the Real Presence had the same effect. I compared this work to the interpretations of Calvin, Luther and Zwingli and none of them came anywhere near close to the truth of Aquinas. Since then, I have never doubted the Real Presence in the Eucharist. Ordination did not follow but I did become a Tertiary Member of the Third Order, Society of St. Francis shortly after. I have remained in that Order under vows made with lifelong intention up to the present day.
Currently, with the Anglican Church being very much in the grip of liberal theology, I had sensed a slight feeling of unease and spent a few months visiting various churches to see if I could settle down. For a while that seemed to be the case as I attended a new Anglican church in West Hove. It was at this time that I thought it would be good to spend some time reading in a church, to enjoy the peace and quiet, and my mind settled on St. Mary Magdalen, where I had visited all those years ago at that wedding. I must admit to having visited on a few other occasions for the Sunday evening service of Benediction back in the 1990s. The website indicated that the church would be open, but when I got there, it was closed. I rang the presbytery bell and a kindly gentleman answered. I told him of my predicament and then another person arrived, a lady who also helped me with my little challenge. They allowed me into the church, and I was able to spend some quiet time in there. For that kindness, I will always be grateful. It was then that I started to seriously think about the Catholic Church.
After my 9am Anglican Eucharist, I would get the bus to Western Road and attend the 11am Mass as an observer at St. Mary Magdalen. It was at the Mass held at Pentecost in 2025 that I had a very real experience. As the host was raised, I sensed that I had to bow my head and gently utter “O Jesus” in worship and adoration. I could feel my emotions starting to well up and I did go forward for a blessing. I thanked the priest after he had given me that and went back to my pew. I shared this experience with the priest afterwards and he advised me that this was the effect of the Real Presence. I reflected on that when I got home and realised that Real Love was also very present there. I have never forgotten his advice: “Let the Lord lead you.”
I continued this new Sunday ritual until I heard the news of the appointment of the new Archbishop of Canterbury. Upon hearing this news I felt that I could no longer remain within the Anglican Church. I made my farewells to the church that I was attending at the time and started on what I called my “discernment pathway” to Rome. This meant not receiving the Eucharist for as long as it would take. It was a manageable experience which I knew one day would end. It also meant attending Faith Formation sessions in the presbytery after Holy Hour and Mass. I was more than happy with this and really enjoyed them, being the only one with a bible! After completing necessary paperwork for my Rite of Election, I travelled with my sponsor and another candidate to Arundel Cathedral, where we met up with two other parishioners. Hearing my name read out in the vastness of the cathedral seemed quite a surreal experience, but one that just seemed ever so right. A wonderful lunch at a local restaurant completed this happy time. I also attended the Farewell Mass of the Bishop of Arundel and Brighton at the Cathedral, followed by wine and nibbles in the Baronial Hall in Arundel Castle. I met up with members of the Chemin Neuf Community which was a joy.
After several more weeks of Faith Formation, the time came for my Reception and Confirmation into the Roman Catholic Church at the Easter Vigil. I was the only candidate but that did not overwhelm me. A friend of mine came along to support me in my new venture. The service was so memorable and so many people said: “Welcome home.” Sometimes I had to fight back happy tears. Easter Sunday arrived and I got to church in plenty of time. It was a beautiful and very bright Mass, and because of the sheer happiness of the Easter Vigil, it still hadn’t sunk in that I was now a Catholic. I was also given the privilege of receiving the Eucharist first and in both kinds, as per the Vigil. I can never forget my spiritual roots but now I must journey on this new road to Heaven. God bless you all.
Peter.
